For my rut assignment, I chose to go on to center street on some intersection and perform with my guitar.
I have done some scary things in my life. I have Tarzan swung/bungie jumped off of a bridge, I have confessed my undying love to someone, and I have eaten raw chicken in order to not offend a sister in Uruguay. This still was probably the most terrifying thing I have ever done.
I would say that I can do a lot of things proficiently in the world of the arts. I love music, as well as visual arts. Theatre and dance is definitely where I draw the line. I am awful at both of them, and because I am so awful I avoid doing them. I think I know how bad I am so I get nervous on stage and can't say any of my lines right, and I hate how people look at me when I am dancing because YES. I KNOW IT IS BAD.
This was something I have always wanted to do, but have been too scared of the judgement received from the public eye. While I had to hype myself up in the car for about 20 minutes, I did eventually get out of my car and play for about 30-45 minutes.
A TON of cars passed, but only a few people actually walked by. The only person to acknowledge me was a homeless man on a scooter chair, who told me some crazy stuff. I messed up a lot on my songs, and while I have no problem singing in front of other people (they tell me I sound good) I'm pretty sure I looked like I had no idea what I was doing, which gave me a bit of fear of judgement. I would knowingly be playing the wrong chord and singing to it like I didn't notice because I was so nervous.
I am so glad that I did it, because I think it got easier as the time went on. I have considered doing it again to see if I can perform a bit better next time.
It's interesting how we tend to perform well in comfortable environments. I sang some jazz numbers in front of an audience of 2,000 a few years ago; a song in Spanish in front of an audience of a few hundred a year or so later. They're all strangers and it's fine. But when I sing at church in front of people I know well and see often, I still get nervous. I'm glad you overcame the apprehension and went through with it! I'm sure it will help you conquer similar situations. I hope it went well when you confessed your undying love (which hopefully also remains in that undying state).
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with everything Omar said. I think that it's all mental. Like how you said you had to psych yourself up and get pumped, I think we have to do that no matter the situation. I consider myself a pretty good singer because other people have told me and performing doesn't really bother me all that much! But as soon as I'm not in front of people that I don't know and I'm just hanging out with my friends around the piano or wherever I'm with my friends, I tense up so bad, begin to shake, start sweating (you know, the normal stressful situation stuff). I really like that you actually went through with performing on the street. I originally thought about doing that for mine as well but it's harder to lug around a keyboard than it is a guitar haha.
ReplyDeleteI have always admired the people that have enough guts to play and sing an instrument on the streets for everyone as they pass by. It says a lot about a person to build up the courage to put yourself in such a vulnerable situation. I have always had a hard time doing that. Congratulation on the overcoming of that fear! Now you can always look back on that situation whenever a similar situation arises and fear begins to creep in.
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